Not a good feeling.

I spent about a week continuing this destructive life style until I just became to sick to do it anymore. I got on a bus headed to SF General Hospital looking for help. I just knew I had taken this craziness to far again. Since all my doctors stopped giving me pain medication it had become a constant struggle for me to try and live a normal life, and I was losing the fight. Using alcohol to try to overcome pain and depression does not work, except in the short term. I was killing myself slowly and not caring much about that. I was such a mess when I got to the hospital, the doctor inserted and IV and gave me a slow Valium drip to calm me down. I was shaking uncontrollably. When I stabilized somewhat, they got me a bed, but I was jittery and I had the need to walk around. This did not go over well with the nurse for the ward where they sent me to. I tried like hell to explain that I just need to walk this off and he would not hear of it. He ended up tying my down to my bed. I had never been restrained in my life for any reason and I was freaking out about this. I managed to undo the restraints and was able to move around, and when he when off his shift, things improved, because otherwise I am not sure how this experience would have turned out.